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ahua
Graduate Assistant
Canada
30 Posts |
 Posted - 03/14/2004 : 17:42:48
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1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. "Football." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, sh*tloads." b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"
Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."
Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better personality." b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."
Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:
Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: Sh*t. |
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umh01
Upperclassman
13 Posts |
Posted - 03/20/2004 : 18:08:49
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ROFLMAO! Thanks for sharing!  |
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Posc
'05 Poster of the Year!
191 Posts |
Posted - 03/25/2004 : 13:51:37
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"Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died."
Love it. Very funny. Best joke I've seen here.
All or nothing |
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hercules
Graduate Assistant
USA
31 Posts |
Posted - 03/29/2004 : 14:43:25
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Very funny indeed. I'm going to email it to both my firends!  |
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martygra
Underclassman
USA
5 Posts |
Posted - 04/17/2004 : 13:24:21
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| friggin hilarious |
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y82benji
'04 Poster of the Year!
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - 05/27/2004 : 22:41:45
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very good post  |
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page1
Upperclassman
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - 05/30/2004 : 17:38:10
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| I laughed so hard my ribs are sore. Thanks for sharing! |
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keenomacdaddy
Graduate Assistant
USA
34 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2004 : 19:01:51
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| Very funny |
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y82benji
'04 Poster of the Year!
USA
601 Posts |
Posted - 06/09/2004 : 21:59:52
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| I thought this was funny so I shared this with my parents. Five minutes my mother asks my stepfather - "What are you thinking about?" |
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dlyre
Underclassman
USA
3 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2004 : 17:29:59
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| Nice! |
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Topic |
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Men: How to Answer The 5 Most Difficult Questions
